Help!
What Can I Do?
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How can you facilitate your return so
it will be as painless as possible? Let’s consider
several things that will help.
A good transition to a new place or position is dependant upon a good closure
of your previous experiences. Bringing good closure to your overseas experience
should begin before returning home. See the suggestions that follow. (But if
you are already home, you can still seek closure by phone, letters, emails, etc.)
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- Make any needed reconciliations with people who,
for whatever reason, you’ve had difficulty with,
so these issues won’t haunt you after you return.
- Express appreciation. Thank the people who made
your experience a positive one. They may have helped
you
out in big or small ways, but don’t leave without
saying thanks.
- Say proper farewells–to people, places, even
things. Saying good-bye is especially important when
you are moving half-way around the world. Bringing
closure to these relationships is important. Some of
us do not like farewells. They make us feel uncomfortable.
We’d rather just “slip away in the dark.” However,
a farewell is for the other people as well as for us.
We need to face the sad parts of leaving and that helps
bring closure–for us as well as others. But in
addition to the people you’ll be leaving, remember
to “say good-bye” to special places you’ve
come to appreciate (or dislike, even!) You may want
to make one last visit to these places and take pictures
to put away in a memory album. Say proper good-byes.
- Begin to make realistic plans for the future
as you return home–to a job or to school. This will
include re-examining your expectations, assumptions,
and anticipations, knowing that changes have occurred
and that a certain amount of “pain” is
a normal part of the transition process.
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| Then when you get home, the saga continues: |
- Remember that the symptoms you are experiencing
are normal. It’s “the nature of the beast.” Be
patient with yourself!
- Be patient with your compatriots and don’t
jump to conclusions about them even though they may
seem superficial, provincial and materialistic. They
haven’t experienced what you have so they can’t
be expected to see things or respond to them as you
do.
- Begin evaluating your time of service–realistically.
In some ways it probably did not meet your expectations.
In other ways it may have exceeded them. Certainly
it’s a mixture of positive and not-so-positive
experiences–“the best of times, the worst
of times.” You may need someone to help you look
at it realistically, but you need to look at it and
accept it as it was.
- Analyze what you learned through this experience,
how you grew and how you changed. (The people
back home aren’t the only ones who’ve changed!)
Some honest journaling may be very helpful as you review
your time away from home.
- Find someone to “debrief” you–to
listen as you sort out your experiences. One good way
to do this is at a re-entry seminar which some colleges
and universities hold each year for returning missionaries.
- Expect some ambivalence–one day you’re
glad to be home, the next day you may hate
it!
- Reach out to others, remembering that the
things they’ve done while you’ve been gone are
as important to them as your adventures are to you.
Affirm them and be a better listener.
- Above all, remember to derive your primary
identity from the fact that you are and
always will be a
child of God (Luke 10:17-20) rather than
basing most of
your identity on the “fabulous experiences” you
had as a missionary.
- Give yourself time to adjust. Be slow
to jump to conclusions about life,
people, the
future,
etc.
It takes time for your body, mind and
emotions to adjust.
For some people the adjustment time
may be brief–a
few weeks or months. But for many people the process
may take a year or more. However, just as initial culture
shock passes, so does reverse culture shock. You survived
culture shock before and you will survive this too!
- Remember that not only has “home” changed,
you’ve changed, too. Probably a lot. You’ve
had experiences that others probably cannot identify
with. You are no longer mono-cultural. You will forever
see the world through different eyes. You have a broader
view of the world. You’ve changed in ways your
friends, and even your family probably cannot fully
understand. Deal with it and don’t put undue
pressure on them (and yourself) to be what they (and
you) can’t be and to do what they (and you) can’t
do.
- If you experienced serious trauma
during your time of service (major
political
upheaval, evacuation,
or a life-threatening situation
of any kind), seek help
from a qualified professional who
understands trauma management and
counseling. The
pain and grief from
such incidents can haunt us for
years if we don’t
take care of them properly. As Shakespeare said, “The
grief that does not speak knots up the overwrought
heart, and bids it break.” Being the strong,
stoic sufferer is neither wise nor Christian.
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Some Special Questions |
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