What are some of the ways people react to conflict? How do you feel yourself when you are in a conflict situation? How do you tend to react to conflict?

What Is Conflict?

Conflict is the common human experience of managing differences. People disagree or differ in many ways: roles and behaviors, beliefs and expectations, worldview, attitudes and values. How we tend to react in conflict is partly determined by our personalities. Beyond that, a missionary must be aware of the fact that every people has its own—often unwritten—rules to handle disputes and differences in a culturally appropriate way.

Not all conflicts have the same intensity. There are probably at least four stages or levels of conflict. Can you think of some examples?

• Level 1: Unrest
• Level 2: Disagreement
• Level 3: Confrontation
• Level 4: Outright Conflict

How We Deal with Conflict

Each one of us has developed a pattern of behavior in interpersonal conflict that reflects our past experiences, our personality and our "theology of conflict." These patterns can become so predictable that experts call them styles of conflict management.

Some of these styles are more appropriate in one situation than in another. By understanding your own preferred pattern and how each style tends to impact a situation, you can learn to make more conscious and productive choices.

Five typical styles of dealing with conflict have been listed by Norman Shawchuck in How to Manage Conflict in the Church (Schaumburg, IL: Spiritual Growth Resources, 1983). Here is a brief summary.

Cultural Differences

Each one of us has a preferred personal conflict management style. But in cross-cultural situations we must also be aware how your host culture approaches conflict management. To know what is appropriate in a given situation be sensitive to at least these three questions:

1. How is conflict dealt with in my host culture?

2. How is conflict handled in my own culture?

3. What are the biblical principles that can be used to interact with cultural traditions redemptively?

Some factors that influence the way societies handle conflicts are:

• Social organization: Who has authority? What are the social roles of those involved? How are decisions made?
• Power distance: How much power does a leader have in comparison with other people?
• Individualism: How much freedom do individuals have to make their own decisions?
• Group orientation: How important is the group?
• Channels: Are there appropriate "channels" to resolve conflicts?

How do these factors influence the way conflict, both group or personal, is handled? In the individualistic society in North America we allow open criticism and face-to-face confrontation as ways to resolution. We also use committees to balance individual freedom. In group-oriented Asian cultures, where "saving face" is an important concern, it may be unacceptable to expose the vulnerability of individuals. Conflicts may be resolved through mediators. Other societies settle conflicts and make decisions by consensus announced only after lengthy periods of informal discussion and consideration. Committees may not work effectively in such contexts.

So What!?

Western missionaries are often unaware of their own cultural context in which they have learned how to deal with conflict. Moreover, Christians fail to appreciate that the Bible has been written to people in specific social contexts applying universal kingdom principles for specific social action. The result is that Western missionaries often choose biblical passages in harmony with the values of their own social environments and apply them in ways which may violate other fundamental biblical values, such as humility, love, and respect for one another. How we use Matthew 18 is a case in point.

Biblical Principles
In Matthew 18:15-17 Jesus instructed his disciples how to deal with sin in the church. How do we approach this text in our Western culture?

• Private confrontation: We often understand Jesus' instruction as a command for open, private, face to face confrontation.
• Public confrontation: If this procedure is not successful the next step is to follow it up by an authority rule strategy leading to public final confrontation.

While there may be times for public confrontation of sin in any culture, the process described reflects an interpretation of scripture that is derived from Western roots. Those who have lived in a group-oriented culture know how inadequate and destructive such an approach can be. But what are the alternatives? When you take a look at the whole chapter as the context for this passage (esp. verses 4, 14, 19, 23, and 35) you find that Jesus is stressing qualities like humility, sensitivity, compassion, unity, servanthood, and a forgiving spirit. This is important as you think about applying Christ's instruction in non-confrontation-oriented cultures.

Instead of using Matthew 18:15-17 as a call for confrontation procedures unacceptable in cultures that value group relationships, try to use the powerful base principles that this text contains. Do not confuse procedure with principle and form with meaning. Furthermore make sure you also consider other scriptural instruction on how to deal with conflict.

Be Sensitive
The scope of conflict—Exercise caution and wisdom in situations of conflict by restricting the scope of the disagreement to "just between the two of you." Remember the proverbs that instruct people to exercise caution (Prov. 3:30; 20:3; 25:8).

The goal of conflict resolution—Restore relationships with those with whom you have disagreements. Jesus affirms the centrality of love in neighborly relationships (Matth. 22:39 cf. Phil. 2:3).

Use the counsel of others—Humbly rely on the counsel of others, rather than on personal judgment. The purpose of having two or three witnesses is to invite counsel as well as support. James 1:19 admonishes to be "slow to anger" and Paul encourages us to patience and unity (Eph. 4:2-3), and to avoid strife (2 Tim. 2:14; 1 Cor. 3:3).

The use of mediators—The Bible contains valuable examples of the use of mediators, messengers, gifts, feasts of peace for restoring peace. See 2 Samuel 3 (Abner and David), 1 Samuel 25 (Abigail, Nabal and David), 1 and 2 Samuel (Jonathan and Saul).

Implications for Missionaries

As a missionary, you will be more effective when you seek to apply biblical principles in a cross-culturally sensitive way. The following principles might help you in this endeavor.

1. Understand the social context in which you practice ministry to determine whether direct or indirect modes of decision making and confrontation are appropriate.

2. When you have understood your environment, examine how you can live a transformed life, employing kingdom principles to engage the people of that society to redemptively deal with conflict and discover the bond of unity and peace.

3. Understand that the social environment of the Book of Acts and the Epistles is characterized by formal confrontation, majority rule, and arbitration of disputes. Distinguish between process and ethical/moral principle. People are saved not through procedures but through a right relationship with Christ and the transformation that comes through Him.

As you grow more sensitive to cross-cultural factors you will also become more effective in dealing with conflict.

1. Review the five styles of handling conflict. Which styles have you used? In what situations? How effective are you in resolving conflicts without creating bitterness in your own culture?

2. Review the ways the principles of Matthew 18 are employed in the resolution of conflict in your own culture. How do you feel about these? Can conflict be approached the same way in your host culture? Why don't you try to discuss this question with someone who knows your host culture well. Then jot down the most important principles you learned.

3. How do you feel about the key principles for cross-cultural conflict management we discussed in this chapter? Write in your own words how you will use these principles in your ministry to be an agent of peace and unity.